“No amount of massages, hot baths, aromatherapy, healthy food, or exercise will sustain us over the span of our lives if not experienced from the layer of our being that is pure consciousness or spirit.” Mary Beth Janssen
As women, we can spend a lot of our time nurturing others, focusing on careers, balancing life or raising families. We become so skillful at going, going, going that we lose sight of becoming skillful at slowing down. We might create self-care habits here in there but in most cases, it’s not until the water is above our head that we realize we’re in need of a break or burnt out altogether.
What comes to mind when you think about self-care? It can include a hot bubble bath, drinking a glass of wine or taking a yoga class. These activities are certainly a part of self-care but can easily become surface-level self-care if we don’t get to the root of our symptoms. The root of WHY we are needing a break, HOW did we get here, and is there something that NEEDS to change.
Self-care is meant to protect our mental health and prevent things such as burn out, feeling overwhelmed and anxious. If our symptoms are not addressed, it can have us ending up in the same cycle of anxiety, depression, and unfulfillment.
Self-care has to be done with intention and mindfulness.
Self-care is identifying your own needs and taking mindful steps to intentionally take care of those needs. It’s taking time to hit the pause button, engage in the present moment and do something that nurtures your soul. Self-care is about treating yourself kindly and with self-love. However, it may not always feel nurturing, kind or loving when incorporating self-care.
Everybody’s path looks different and there are several ways to engage in self-care. Below are just some ways that define self-care.
Build a Relationship with Yourself
When we think of a relationship, most times we think that it involves someone else such as a romantic relationship, parents, friendships. The most important relationship you can have been with yourself. To know yourself and love yourself. Loving yourself fully and deeply for who you are. Take yourself on a date, discover ways to heal your soul, do something new you’ve been curious about, introduce positive affirmations, talk kindly to yourself, creating space in ways that you can experience a oneness with self. Choose something that will serve you during the season you’re in and give yourself permission to be without judgment.
Mind, Body, Soul
Our mental state is not just a direct reflection of our mind but our body, and soul are all connected and communicate with each other on a daily basis. Our thoughts and experiences can stay stuck in the body and have a huge impact on your mental or physical health for long periods of time. Tapping into the mind, body, and spirit can not only be healing but give you the opportunity to let go, find deeper meaning and purpose, and assess your life and remove anything that is not necessary right now
Practicing Mindfulness
There are times you may remember driving to a destination and when you got there, you don’t remember driving at all. There are other tasks you might do where this same habit occurs. It’s easy to lose sight of the task at hand when you’re busy but it’s become a skill a lot of us are good at. Mindfulness is engaging our attention with thought or an activity, to the present moment, without judgment, being in the here and now. Practicing mindfulness can look like taking your time getting ready, walking to your car, washing the dishes without thinking of what’s next, taking a shower and paying attention to the water hitting your body. It’s being intentional about what you’re doing, seeing, smelling and allowing yourself to be present in that moment without any outside distractions.
Setting Healthy Boundaries
Setting boundaries is one way to communicate to yourself and others what you need and allows you to take care of yourself. You may need to set boundaries if you are experiencing exhaustion, burn out and feeling unfulfilled. Setting boundaries can be perceived as being mean, make someone feel unwanted, or put someone on defense. When communicated in a healthy way, boundaries are for YOU and intended to take care of YOU. Setting boundaries are not selfish or mean, they are necessary to protect our mental health. By setting boundaries and practicing them, you are giving yourself permission to say no to things you may not be mentally prepared for or protecting your emotional energy.
The practice of letting go
Just like food, some things and people have an expiration date. Whether this is letting go of friends & family, a career move, decluttering, juice cleanse, it’s all necessary in order to make room for the things we want in the season of life we are in. It’s always easier said than done because a lot of times that means letting go of something or someone that once served a purpose or importance in your life. Loyalty, having history or honoring traditions are not reasons to stay in places we are not being treated well, causing more harm than good, or putting you in a box where you are unable to be your true, authentic self. Take time to reflect on the places and people in your life, listen to your inner guide and honor what may or may not be serving you at this time.
Listening to Your Body
Your body has a good way of telling you when something feels off, when you need to slow down and areas of your body that have been neglected. Our physical, mental and emotional well-being has an effect on how our body reacts to our experiences. Our body has the ability to hold onto our emotions, tell us when something doesn’t feel right and push us past our mental barriers. Listening to your body allows you the opportunity to know what you need and when something or someone doesn’t feel like a good fit. When we stop to listen, it can tell us when it’s time to rest, when our body needs to move, when we’re needing to feel grounded or when something feels in or out of alignment. Whatever that might look like for you, getting curious about the relationship with your body can benefit your mental and overall well-being.
Asking for help
We are not meant to go through life alone. Becoming aware of when to ask for help and building the courage to ask for help can be THE CHANGE we need. It can be the bridge for not falling completely apart, feeling like we are “losing it,” having a sense of control of our life, offering evidence-based practices to help you understand what you may not understand, and helping you get unstuck. It happens to ALL of us and asking for help looks different for everyone. There is nothing too big or too small when asking for help. Sometimes help looks like someone sitting with you when things feel difficult, even if they are not providing you with verbal feedback.
Self-care can feel ugly, difficult, challenging but have long term effects for overall well-being. Self-care is necessary, it’s needed, and can be a life journey of something we all have to practice OVER and OVER again. The good thing is, we don’t have to have all the answers but when we slow down, turn inward, and reflect we may be able to identify where change needs to occur. If you are having challenges with implementing self-care, professional help may be needed.